she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
