my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
