i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
