I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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