You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
