he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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