I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
