There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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