Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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