That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
