I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
