so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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