You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
