is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
