So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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