He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
