its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
