wanna go halves on a baby?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
