I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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