I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Too much gin, very little bucket
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
