Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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