Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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