Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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