I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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