the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
