my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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