So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
