from now on my penis is your penis
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
