I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
