____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Randomize
