my phone needs a breathalizer
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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