i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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