I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
