just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
