I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
