Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
