I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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