i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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