my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
