and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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