Capitaan dildo arrescate!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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