I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
