Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
