Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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