I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We had to coat check the pizza.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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