So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Semen is not good for contacts.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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