If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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