ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
