hell yes lets make some ravioli
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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