You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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