Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
