everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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