Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
