You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
