my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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