Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
