I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
