More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
