it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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