great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
