so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
