I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
