i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
