So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
