Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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