i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
