I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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