I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
