yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
