When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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