Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
