Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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