Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
